Beauty and bounty

Wilson's Apple Orchard is one of my favorite places to go this time of year. If you haven't been there yet, it's time to go! The Cornally's and I went yesterday and just soaked up the beauty all around, walking up and down the hills, in between the rows of apple trees, looking for those flags letting us know which ones are ready to pick. Burgundy and Ginger Golds are ready now; Song of September should be perfect next weekend. Anyone want to come join me next weekend? Shawn said this is not something we should do once a year for the fun of it, but we should be here every weekend getting the freshest bounty of the latest ripe variety. Let's stock up for the winter with apples, applesauce, apple cider, apple butter, apple turnovers, apple pie - would you ever get tired of apples? Not me! When are you coming, family? Remember, it isn't just apples, either. It's pumpkin time; they are turning orange now. How about next weekend?

Prayer for a change

I usually like to read My Utmost for His Highest. Today was no exception, but believe me, there are exceptions. Sometimes, it is either over my head, I don't agree, or it's application is just too hard. But today's post really hit home. I hope you will read it, but in case you don't, I included a few quotes from it. When my kids were little, I prayed all the time, which is probably because I was at my wit's end a lot and did not know what to do. "Be yourself before God and present Him with your problems— the very things that have brought you to your wits’ end." Although becoming a mom was the best thing that ever happened to me, it was hard sometimes, and even scary, so I prayed often: most of the time for protection for my children and for them to grow up loving Jesus. I prayed with them at meals, at bedtime, on walks, when they hurt, when they were proud or thankful or scared. Somewhere along the way, we stopped doing that together. I am not sure if it was so gradual I didn't notice or if I made a decision to stop doing the "mother says it is time to pray" role. But I did notice that when we get together now, we usually don't pray. I pray by myself, but we don't pray as a family. So today's message hit me hard. "God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature." I still pray for my kids (and now my grandkids) all the time. I still pray for their protection and that they will grow in their love of Jesus. But I don't pray with them and I don't know why. "When a person is born again from above, the life of the Son of God is born in him, and he can either starve or nourish that life. Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished." I want to return to the "mom says it is time to pray" role, at least when I am serving the meal. If I am going to nourish someone with physical food, shouldn't I also offer to nourish them with the life of God is us?

Blueberries!

I got an exciting text from Lianna saying, "Blueberries are ready to pick! You should take S & S!" So Sierra, Savanna, and I took the trip out Sand Road to the U-Pick blueberry farm. The drive itself is worth it - the amazing array of colors of all the wildflowers and trees and crops along the way is stunning! I kept saying to the girls, "Oh my gosh, would you LOOK AT THAT!" They started joining in with it too. "Did you see those purple ones?" I taught them about Queen Anne's Lace and promised to show them the lacy flower up close in my backyard.

The blueberry farm is a favorite place of mine. It used to be the strawberry farm with the goats that would run to the top of their roof to get treats when you dropped a quarter at the bottom. Very entertaining. But now it is blueberries. We strapped the milk jug buckets onto our waist with a belt so we could use two hands to pick. That was important because we found the best bushes on the place and could just pull handfulls off at a time. We felt like we hit the jackpot! The girls were great workers and never complained. Even when we were ready to go and headed back to the farmhouse, they would still stop along the way and say, "Oh here is a perfect blueberry!" and "Oh, I just can't stop picking!" (that last line was one I repeated). We came home and made the best blueberry muffins we have ever made (stressing the word "we").What a lovely day! I am just crazy about Iowa and that I have sweet little nieces who enjoy it with me.

Song of Solomon 2:12 Spring flowers are in blossom all over.
   The whole world's a choir—and singing!

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

When people I respect tell me I should read a book, I usually do and I rarely regret it. Shawn and Lianna recommended Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver and I have already devoured my way half through it. I don't know to explain the importance of this book other than it is changing my worldview. (It has changed Shawn into a Locovorus Rex.) I have always had an obsession with food, but it was not in a healthy way. Now I think I am reclaiming the joy of eating through the healthiest choices possible. Don't get me wrong - this is not a diet book. It is a delightful, enlightening narrative of one family's move from Tucson to an Appalachian farm, abandoning industrial food in favor of only locally grown food. No more processed foods- but it is not about deprivation, it is about amazing abundance and FLAVOR! Did you know lettuce has flavor? Iceberg from the store does not even seem like the same food I am eating from my garden. I have been eating Shawn's homemade doughnuts and bacon, Lianna's lattice top cherry pie (cherries picked and pitted by us), Melanie's pasta salad, and more. It is all delicious and I lost almost 2 more pounds this week. Again, this is not an "eat all you want and lose weight" diet book; it is very informative about the food industry and what we have been missing out on. I highly recommend it. Enjoy the Iowa harvest - it is wonderful!

Isaiah 62:9
but those who harvest it will eat it and praise the LORD, and those who gather the grapes will drink it in the courts of my sanctuary.

Live Simply

My mom and siblings gave me a little pocket charm that says "Live Simply". It was chosen for me because they know me well and understand that is what I want to embrace. I have a tiny plaque that says, "A happy Family. A cozy house, A heart at peace. All is well" That says it all for me. But it isn't always simple to live simply, is it? It is easy to get caught in the complicated webs of career, commitments, consumerism, other people's problems,the insanity of politics and economics, the multitude of philosophies...the list could go on. Even if I can keep myself out of that madness, my brain just likes to complicate things. So, I decided the first step in living simply is thinking simply - the 'what and when' of my thinking . The only time I am really stressed is when I am regretting yesterday or worrying about the future, so the 'when' of my thinking simply has to be in the now. OK, so brain is engaged in the now. Next, what do I think about in the now? I have to decide what to do with my day. So I choose to live my hobbit-like existence worrying myself only with what to plant where on my little plot of land, what is ready to harvest today, how much to eat and how much to store, should I go play with children at the Cornally's or keep reading my book, should I take a walk or go for a swim? Simple problems with no wrong answers. If God should choose to call me out of the Shire and go on a mission to fight some world evil, I will be ready and willing. (That is how I kind of view my job). But it is still July and life is indeed simple. Today the beans need picked. Can we eat them all or should I freeze some? I might play with children at the Cornally's while Lianna freezes sweet corn. An afternoon swim would be nice. A happy family. A cozy house. A heart at peace. All is well.
1 Thessalonians 4:9, 11-12: You have been taught by God to love each other....and make it your ambition to lead a quiet life. You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

I can see clearly now

I stopped writing. Not entirely...through encouragment of my family and some truly happy moments, I could still write occasionally. But the clouds have had me blind for awhile and I couldn't write much. Also, my name has changed so I had to change my google account and it took me forever to figure out how to get my blog from bailey.janis to jan.powers. But here it is. I read through my past entries and I am blown away by the changes in my life over the past few years. It is really painful and really beautiful all at the same time. That is how I tend to experience life. I wonder if other people feel this way too or if it is just me. I can have deep pain over one thing and absolute ecstasy over another all in the same day. Example: November 19, 2010. My baby girl had a baby girl - I was there to witness the first breath of Lenora. That is the same day my divorce from Darrell was finalized. I have never been happier and sadder in my life than that day. But happy wins over sad, good triumphs evil, and this blog will not end here. Even though most of my previous posts contain stories of Darrell, I will not erase this blog or start a brand new one. The whole me continues, happy/sad, good/bad,real me. My journey is not the fairytale that I thought it was, but I believe it will have a better ending than I could have dreamed up. I may not even see it until it is all over, but I still believe it. I am so thankful for my family who stays with me on this journey no matter what.
My family gave me the best birthday bash I could possibly imagine. I am now officially a senior citizen, which is weird because I can still feel a 5 year old girl in my heart that has been around for 55 years. It is possible that I could double my age before going on to the next life, so in a way, life is only half over. Probably not, but it COULD happen. What will the next half bring? I hope this birthday party was the beginning of what it will continue to look like: family that stays as long as they can, friends and neighbors that drop by to join the fun, sunshine, really good food and drink, vegetable and flower garden, art, great music, talking, laughing, dancing, singing, playing games, sweet surprises, loving words, hugs and kisses, babies crying, children laughing, phone calls and cards from those who couldn't come, the grace of God covering it all. I have everything I need. Thank you family. Thank you, God.

Eli

Last Tuesday was a fantastic day! I got to leave work at noon because I had a very important meeting with very important people - Melanie and Eli came to Iowa City! We met at Lianna's and then went to Wilson's Orchard. It was a beautiful day, but I didn't spend much time looking at the beautiful scenery because I could not take my eyes off of Eli. Check out the pics - it's just me babbling at Eli and trying to get him to smile again and again. He smiles so easy but I just couldn't get enough of it. Isn't he so handsome? Mel calls him muscular...of COURSE it's muscles! We also drove down a gorgeous country road and enjoyed the sights downtown Iowa City. No, there are no pictures of any of that - just me oooing and ahhing over my Eli and enjoying the time with my beautiful daughter. This is the stuff that life's about.

Blogging class

Our assignment is to create a blog. I already have this one so thought I would just add a post. I have only used blogging for my personal journal, shared only with my family. I am looking forward to using blogs in education. My son-in-law has a great blog that is getting hits from all over the world called Think, Thank, Thunk. He is a former research scientist turned educator, teaches calculus and physics at Solon, and is an evangelist for standards based grading.

tilling and waiting

With Shawn's and Lianna's help, I was able to get a nice sized portion of my lawn tilled up to get ready for gardening. My muscles are sore (in a good way) from trying to manage the big beast of a tiller. You are probably wondering, and the answer is "yes" - it has names. The engine's name is Viper, the machine's name is Earthquake, and we just call it Rick - short for Richter. So now that all the sod and mulch and various weeds are "ground" up, it's time to just work it with a hoe and rake and wait. Planting season is SO soon, and then there will be new growth and then a harvest. My soul is in the same place. My heart feels tilled, like something chopped through everything solid, like maybe an earthquake ripped through my soul. But I know it is just tilling season, and the Master Gardener will hoe and rake and will soon plant new seeds and my soul will be green and growing again. I believe that. But right now, I am still sore, physically and spiritually.

Believe in prayer or believe in God

I spent alot of time and energy on my yard this past weekend. I love participating in God's work of nature - cleaning up the winter damage, preparing the ground for new growth, and nurturing what is already growing. I thinned out the peonies and transplanted them to try and make a hedge. I mowed and pruned, dug around the fence Shawn just repaired for me and planted Hollyhocks along it. I did some work in the garden that should have been done last fall. Then my final job was spraying a bit of Roundup on some dandelions and on the Creeping Charlie invading the stone circle around my favorite tree - the hardwood red maple. I planted it after it sat a year in its pot looking dead and two-dimensional and now it is full, round, and beautiful. The tree's resurrection story makes me love it more. Anyway, after this final chore, I then went and showered, had a cup of tea, and settled in for a good night's sleep. At 1:13 AM my eyes slammed open and I remembered my last chore and thought, "Oh God, I might have killed my tree!!" I sat straight up in bed and said, "Please, Dear God, don't let my tree die! I am so sorry!" Since I believe in the power of prayer, I should have gone back to sleep, right? No, I laid back down and closed my eyes for 2 seconds, then sprung out of bed and into work clothes. I went out and got the shovel and wheelbarrow and dug up everything within 3 feet of the tree. Yes, I know I looked creepy out digging in the dirt in the dark. It crossed my mind that the neighbors might wake up and see me and think I have gone mad, but I don't really care what they think. I do care what people think of my spirituality and faith, however. Since I prayed for God to save the tree, I might be accused of not really believing since I did not just go back to sleep. But I believe when I pray I am not talking to a God "up there" or out in space somewhere; I am talking to God who dwells right inside me. When I pray, His Holy Spirit ignites a fire in me and puts me to work. That's why I like to think I am participating in His work, especially in gardening. I did not invent the system that makes things grow - I just join in. Sometimes I do stupid things that get in the way, like spraying Roundup around my favorite tree, but I join God in forgiving me, too, and helping make things right again.

Family

I cannot imagine how difficult life would be without family. I am so glad I don't have to try! I have the most loving and supportive family I could ever hope for. They are also the smartest, best-looking, and funniest family. If you don't believe me, just ask us! I just spent the last few days with my kids and grandkids, and I am filled to overflowing with love and pride. God has been very good to me.

Hannah's Birthday!

My little Hannah is already 2 years old! I am excited to go celebrate with her and all the family. Babies are babies for such a very short time. As a grandma, I wish I could slow it down so I wouldn't feel like I have missed so much; but as parents, the timing is probably just about right. I remember being ready for my kids to turn two and move towards being able to communicate with me more and grow in independence. Each step towards adulthood has an element of saying good-bye, but it also is saying hello to a new person each day. I love the adults my babies have become and still get to witness their growing faith as they change into the people that God designed them to be. It is fun to see the emerging person unfolding in little Hannah. What a beautiful person she is already with only 2 years behind her!

Fast

Fast, breakfast, fasten, color-fast, faster, fast food, fast girl, fasting, fastidious, hold fast, fastest, fast and furious, fastigiate, fastigium, steadfast

Just thinking about the word fast. It means to do without food, move at high speed, and be stuck or immoveable, among many other things. Why do we use the same word for opposite things? I started the Lenten season as a student of Lutheranism. I was trying to get into the "feasts and seasons" and the liturgies and parts of the church I had rejected as a younger Christian. I was, after all, on a journey of possibly becoming a ministers' wife in the Lutheran church, so I wanted to be open-minded and learn more about things I did not understand. So I began the lenten season as many folks do - giving something up as I turned to God and remembered all He gave up for me. I chose to give up sugar, not in a strict sense, but to reject foods that did not have anything going for it other than sugar. This was a good choice (or bad choice if you look at it differently) because I am a sugar addict. I was quite strict about this at first, and whenever I was tempted to eat something I shouldn't, I would pray for strength and receive it. I lightened up for social occasions, like Steve's birthday. When I found out I was in a very bad dream and suddenly was awakened to the fact that the ministers' wife journey was fake, I completely jumped off the Lutheran ship and dived right into a sea of sugar. I thought I was drowning at first, but I remembered to pray in spite of breaking the sugar fast, and I am back on land. After a few weeks (I think - I am in a bit of a time warp), I went back to the Lutheran church in Marion where I started this lent thing, not for lenten group or for worship, but to talk to the Director of Spiritual Transformation (cool title, isn't it?). I had made this appointment with her back in January, not really knowing why. This is how long it takes to get in to see her, and now I know why I needed to see her. She is an amazing Christian woman, and I confided in her. She helped me see my own heart, that all I really want is to know God more and understand my place in His heart. I am an important part of this fastigiate body of His, just as we all are. My soul is steadfast in Him, and I will not fail. I rarely actually "hear" His voice, but it doesn't stop me from listening and He always answers. I don't have to hear it to know it. Two days ago, I ate a Klondike bar without any guilt, and it was good. I have not had any sugar since. Doesn't matter if I do or don't. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness! "The Lord is my portion," says my soul. Therefore I will hope in Him.

Guess where I was?

Within 15 minutes, I tied 9 shoes, helped solve 3 "tragedies" worth crying over, got at least 10 hugs, and heard "Mrs. Bailey, watch this!!" about 50 times from all directions. Did you guess where I was? Afternoon recess with Kindergartners! It was wonderful!

Spring break is over

Spring break was a great time to be with family and friends. It was great to be with the Powers and Clark families in Polk City - walking downtown to the park was my favorite; it is like walking back in time to a place where I was a young mom raising kids. We often ventured out to find a playground or just walk around town. I usually did not have any money so I could not take the kids for an ice cream treat when they were little. So that is what we did on Spring Break - the kids and grandkids and I all walked downtown and got ice cream treats then played at the playground in the middle of the town square. It was one of my favorite parts of the week - simple pleasures. I love my family.

Now Spring Break is over and I am back to work and loving it. Being with all the little kiddos is really wonderful -every day is rich with simple pleasures.

1John 3 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Heart Armor

The most common complaint from my little counselees is that someone is "being mean" to them (saying mean things, talking bad about them to others, giving dirty looks). With all the many complaints, you would think the world is completely full of meanies. Actually, the same kids complaining are the ones being complained about. It is a lot about perception. So I teach kids to put on the "heart armor." I ask them to picture a knight in his armor and how since they are wearing all that metal, arrows can't hurt them. Heart armor is something you keep in your heart that protects us from the flaming arrows of mean words and dirty looks. If you keep your heart armor strong, mean words and looks can just bounce off you and fall to the floor. Are you ready to put that armor on? OK, then repeat after me "No matter what... they say or do...I am still....a wonderful person!" I let them change the word "wonderful" to any word that they use to describe something that they think is great (awesome, amazing, sweet, cool, fantastic, etc.)

Ephesians 6:10-17 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

No matter what they say or do, I am still God's precious child.

Helping children

When kids tell you things about their world that make you shudder, you have to report it - it is the law. It's not that I don't WANT to report it - of course I do! I want help for the kiddos- they should not have to live like this. The problem is that our best recourse for family problems seems to be retribution. I wish that families knew that when their problems are reported, there will be help for them. Why is it that when we help, it doesn't feel like help? How do you make "helping" feel good to the helped? It is National Social Worker Week, and I am extrememly thankful for the social workers out there. It has to be the hardest job - they are on the front lines of a war we are losing. Social workers go into the field because they love people. They see the social problems and want to make a difference. Unfortunately, the system we have in place for them to do their job is extremely flawed, and I know it makes their work even tougher. I do not pretend to know how I might change this system. But I can clearly see that we consider "help" is not being interpreted that way.

I have a family at my school that despises me right now. I had to make a report and I handled it with them in the gentlest, most compassionate way that I know how. They have complained about me to the principal and forbid their child to see me. They are fighting it and it feels terrible. Yesterday, the case worker called me to see if I had any other information that I wanted to add. I wanted to say no, but I couldn't. I felt like Jim Carrey in "Liar" when he was telling the police officer about all the times he broke the law, and the officer said, "Is there anything else?" He tried to say no, but couldn't and said a very pained, "YEESSS!" and opened the glove box full of traffic tickets. So I had to tell her more that I had learned that is relevant to the case. I don't know how much uglier this situation will get. She said "do you want to be listed as reporter or as by your name? I said it doesn't matter. It will be obvious to them that it was me that reported. I wish I could think that my reporting will help matters. I have to believe that it will help the little girl. But I wish I knew how to help the family, because if the family isn't helped, how can this little 6 year old get better? Kids are designed to copy their parents. She is probably going to come to school hating me just like her parents do. I have already watched this happen with another family that I "helped."

Until someone comes up with a better paradigm, I will keep playing by this system; it is the best we have ever had. I just wish there were more adoptive parents out there right now. There are so many children whose parents are losing custody and not enough places for the children to go. There is one girl right now whose Mom is about to lose her. She has been staying with a grandma who is not biologically connected to her and only remotely socially connected; she was only "keeping" her temporarily until mom could get her back. It is not going to happen. I want to bring her home so bad. She writes me love notes every day. All she wants in life is a mommy to love her. It is not looking like it is going to happen.

No comment necessary. I am just venting today. I am ready to face another day with a smile on my face and I will love the little children as best as I can for the time that I have with them.

Kingdom of God

I have been thinking lately about the Christian community as opposed to the individual Christian experience. I wonder if we have lost a precious gift that God intended us to have by not focusing enough on community and too much on the individual. As far as I know, Jesus never used the phrase "accept me as your personal savior", but you hear and read Christians use that phrase a lot. I never hear anyone really use the phrase "kingdom of God". In fact, who uses the word "kingdom" at all? A kingdom is a place where the King is central and everyone lives under the King's rule. That doesn't sound appealing at first to us individualistic capitalists. But if you know and love the King, the one who made every cell in your body and considers you his most beloved masterpiece in the universe, the one who loves you so much He died for you, then living in His kingdom becomes something quite amazing, doesn't it? I want to live there. I am living there now to a certain extent, but not in its entirety, because I still pray in the Lord's prayer, "your kingdom come, your will be done on earth at it is in heaven."

Excerpt from "Book of Faith Lenten Journey"
In the gospels, the word kingdom appears some 123 times; Jesus uses the word 98 times. It is the heart of his message. Mark - the earliest of all the gospels - records the beginning of Jesus' ministry this way: "Jesus came to Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God, and saying, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news." And the good news, of course, is that the kingdom is for everyone. the only ones excluded are those who exclude themselves.

Fulfillment

Some facebook friends are looking for people "who are actually working the type of job they absolutely love, know they have been gifted to do, and feel a sense of fulfillment?" I really should be one of those people. I sought this career out, it uses my skills, I have a passion for it, it is very meaningful, and I even get paid pretty well. Some days I absolutely love it. But the last part of the question is what trips me up: ..."and feel a sense of fulfillment." I feel empty at the end of the day - I don't feel fulfilled at all, but I feel completely drained. I don't know the reason for this; maybe there are many reasons. It is a really hard job, in spite of the fact that some days I am playing games and coloring and playing with play-doh; these kiddos are little puzzles to solve because in an instant they can become little animals that bite and kick and run away. I am also working with educators who are beat up by society for doing a job that everyone loves to criticize but very few want to really help. I am also working with families under stress, many lacking in financial, mental, and spiritual resources. They do not appreciate my help - in fact, sometimes they turn on me and hate me and complain about me to the principal.

But maybe it is not about the job at all. Maybe jobs aren't supposed to provide a sense of fulfillment. In the mornings, I usually read a passage from Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" - today's reading was about serving the Lord and not serving others. Maybe my focus has been too much on serving others - that is my job after all. But when you serve people, they are ungrateful. sometimes they don't want help - some people like to hang on to the very things that are making them miserable....some people like to hang on to the very things that are making them miserable...Wow, I was talking about other people in that sentence but it just screamed at ME! Am I hanging on to helping people with their problems and is that precisely what is making me miserable? What if I let go of that and just focused on serving God? Then it wouldn't matter how people reacted to it, would it? I am not switching jobs today, but I am going to try a switch of attitude. I am going to be present with each person that I encounter, but I am going to try and remember that I am not serving them - I am serving the Lord Jesus Christ. I know this is not a new concept - it is words I have heard many times, but it means something different to me now. For years, I have gotten through education by praying that God would help me see HIM in the face of each person. But that was so I could love that person like He does. Now, my prayer is different. I want to see God in each person, literally, so I can serve and love HIM like He wants me to! That is, after all, what I was made for.

Lent

I remember the first time I heard about Lent. Our family did not practice Lent, or really much Christianity at all. When I heard my friends talk about it, I thought they were giving something up for "lint." (the only word in my tiny brain that I could fit with what I was hearing). I thought that was very odd to give up something for lint, but I was not one to judge. Even after becoming a Christian as a young adult, I did not understand Lent. Now that I am a practicing Lutheran-type Christian, it is becoming more meaningful to me each year - the ceremony of ashes, humbling myself and putting my focus on the 40 day fast of Jesus, turning away from things that block my view of God's work and clearing the path for His work in my life. It is kind of like cleaning the lint out of the lint trap so that the dryer can do it's job quicker...it's hard to admit when you are wrong, isn't it? Actually, admitting I am wrong is freeing, because even as I try to clear the path to have a clearer view of God's work in my heart, I quickly fail, and am reminded of how much I need grace, over and over and over. Then it is finally Easter - the Christian season of the biggest and best reminder of God's ultimate sacrifice - He gave Himself up for Lent! And now I receive his continual outpouring of grace - the real heart of Christianity! I can't live through Lent without the knowledge that Easter is already here and always is.