It's not a park

One day when Melanie and I wanted to take a walk together, she had told the girls that they were going to a park with Bam. We chose a wonderful walking path in Johnston behind Panera that winds through trees, beautiful grass and gardens, a horse pasture, and there are lovely picnic places with picnic tables and space to play. Sophie was mad that it was not her idea of a park - no swings or slides or anything - nothing to do but walk. I tried to reason with her that some parks are made up of all these things we are seeing, but do not have playgrounds. She just kept saying, "It's not a park". She would not be convinced - this was not a park in her world view. I let it go. Later, as we were buckling her back into the car seat in her mom's car and I was getting ready to go on my way, I hugged her and kissed her and lovingly said, "Goodbye my Little Sophie! Bam loves you SO much!" Her response? She would not even look at me. She lowered her head and voice and muttered..."it's not a park". I just had to laugh. I love her so much!

I always seem to have a spiritual struggle going on over something - usually it is me not measuring up in someway, but sometimes it is more philosophical - me trying to understand something a little (or a lot) over my head - things that just don't fit my worldview. Recently, I heard the phrase "growing edge" as a polite way to discuss one's weakness; I like that phrase. My growing edge is learning to become "a human being, instead of a human doing" (another phrase I learned a long time ago but can't seem to apply to my life). God is hitting me with this from all directions: the women's group I am in, the daily devotional I am using, the book called "The Artist's Way" that I am reading...ALL of them keep pointing me in this same direction of focusing my spirit on who I am instead of what I do. I DON'T GET IT! Even my husband is pushing me this direction - I say, "What do you want to do this weekend?" and he says, "Be with you." Sweet and romantic, right? It is frustrating! You can't answer a DO question with a BE answer! So I say, "Thanks, Love. I want to be with you, too. Now what do we do??" He says, "You do what you want. I just want to be with you." Grrr. God does the same thing. I ask, "What do you want me to do, God?" And he says, "Be with me." OK THEN WHAT?! What if I stop DOING and there is nothing there? I tried to hash this out in conversation with Darrell. He had some wonderful theology that still didn't make much sense and I ended the conversation with "It doesn't make sense." He laughed his loving laugh and said, "I can see Sophie saying, "It's not a park." Hmmmm.....that helps. I think I am starting to get it now....and it doesn't really matter if I get it or not, does it?