Helping children

When kids tell you things about their world that make you shudder, you have to report it - it is the law. It's not that I don't WANT to report it - of course I do! I want help for the kiddos- they should not have to live like this. The problem is that our best recourse for family problems seems to be retribution. I wish that families knew that when their problems are reported, there will be help for them. Why is it that when we help, it doesn't feel like help? How do you make "helping" feel good to the helped? It is National Social Worker Week, and I am extrememly thankful for the social workers out there. It has to be the hardest job - they are on the front lines of a war we are losing. Social workers go into the field because they love people. They see the social problems and want to make a difference. Unfortunately, the system we have in place for them to do their job is extremely flawed, and I know it makes their work even tougher. I do not pretend to know how I might change this system. But I can clearly see that we consider "help" is not being interpreted that way.

I have a family at my school that despises me right now. I had to make a report and I handled it with them in the gentlest, most compassionate way that I know how. They have complained about me to the principal and forbid their child to see me. They are fighting it and it feels terrible. Yesterday, the case worker called me to see if I had any other information that I wanted to add. I wanted to say no, but I couldn't. I felt like Jim Carrey in "Liar" when he was telling the police officer about all the times he broke the law, and the officer said, "Is there anything else?" He tried to say no, but couldn't and said a very pained, "YEESSS!" and opened the glove box full of traffic tickets. So I had to tell her more that I had learned that is relevant to the case. I don't know how much uglier this situation will get. She said "do you want to be listed as reporter or as by your name? I said it doesn't matter. It will be obvious to them that it was me that reported. I wish I could think that my reporting will help matters. I have to believe that it will help the little girl. But I wish I knew how to help the family, because if the family isn't helped, how can this little 6 year old get better? Kids are designed to copy their parents. She is probably going to come to school hating me just like her parents do. I have already watched this happen with another family that I "helped."

Until someone comes up with a better paradigm, I will keep playing by this system; it is the best we have ever had. I just wish there were more adoptive parents out there right now. There are so many children whose parents are losing custody and not enough places for the children to go. There is one girl right now whose Mom is about to lose her. She has been staying with a grandma who is not biologically connected to her and only remotely socially connected; she was only "keeping" her temporarily until mom could get her back. It is not going to happen. I want to bring her home so bad. She writes me love notes every day. All she wants in life is a mommy to love her. It is not looking like it is going to happen.

No comment necessary. I am just venting today. I am ready to face another day with a smile on my face and I will love the little children as best as I can for the time that I have with them.